act, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn't even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to "know" about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which - for example - is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we - the human race - learn. We've learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by try

"Honey, it's not a race!" That is what many women will tell their partner during - and especially AFTER - they have sex. And indeed it is not a race. Yet the question is if men can help it if they feel that sex - and especially the actual intercourse - is a physical achievement. Because if you're a man, that is what it feels like.

And it happens for a very simple reason. Men are biologically programmed to do one thing as often and as good as they can: to fertilize as many females, as often as realistically possible. This is because that is what their genetic encoding tells them to do. It is the result of the survival of the species and this is what male mammals do. In fact, that is the prime task of any male species.

While we are not apes or rabbits, and much of this of course is socially unacceptable, that is what evolution has been grinding in for tens of thousands of years. And as much as a modern man doesn't want to procreate non-stop, a large part of this - albeit redundant - genetic encoding is still very much there. And since it took so long to develop, expecting that the individual male will be able to erase it in one lifetime - or even in ten or twenty generations - is totally unrealistic.

Deep down inside - driven by reflexes and not by deliberate reasoning or by choice - men will only want one thing: get in and produce a powerful blast of sperm into the vagina - as far as possible and as much as possible. Again, that is their genetic duty. Their contribution to the survival of the species. For that reason the male orgasm largely feels like an explosion: pressure being built up until it nearly bursts and then he will give everything to blast it out as far as he can. His body will react just like that and will roll all his physical energy and musclepower into one tiny ball of semen and eject it, preferably with "rocket" force. (the reality requires that - although it feels very different - men actually do not exactly "shoot very far". The best of us will manage only a few inches, but then, only half an inch is enough).

Additionally - his genetic reflexes will tell him to do all of this as quickly as possible while holding on to the female with all his strength, so the chances that the female will run and the sperm will not be used for its original design are minimal.

So, genetic encoding tells him: get it in RAPIDLY, get it in DEEP and DUMP THE PAYLOAD, no matter what the cost. The male sex hormones - driven by genetic encoding and cortex reflexes - will tell his body to do exactly that and nothing else. In that sense the human male - like any other male species - is much like a B52 bomber when it comes to sex.

The new gadget: sex for mutual fun

Evolutionary speaking, "sex for fun" is a relatively new gadget that has only been around for the last few thousand years of evolution. Ten minutes or so on the evolutionary clock. "Sex for mutual fun" - again in evolutionary terms - is something BRAND NEW, only discovered a few centuries ago. Hence - regardless how many generations have since passed - it is still something that is very much in the early adapting and learning stages.

Learning is FUN

We told you about the "female side" monkey. Here is one of its cousins: learning is a mutual thing. Men do not just have to learn about the female sexuality. BOTH still very much have to learn about the other.

In fact, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn't even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to "know" about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which - for example - is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we - the human race - learn. We've learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by tryi

nding in for tens of thousands of years. And as much as a modern man doesn't want to procreate non-stop, a large part of this - albeit redundant - genetic encoding is still very much there. And since it took so long to develop, expecting that the individual male will be able to erase it in one lifetime - or even in ten or twenty generations - is totally unrealistic.

Deep down inside - driven by reflexes and not by deliberate reasoning or by choice - men will only want one thing: get in and produce a powerful blast of sperm into the vagina - as far as possible and as much as possible. Again, that is their genetic duty. Their contribution to the survival of the species. For that reason the male orgasm largely feels like an explosion: pressure being built up until it nearly bursts and then he will give everything to blast it out as far as he can. His body will react just like that and will roll all his physical energy and musclepower into one tiny ball of semen and eject it, preferably with "rocket" force. (the reality requires that - although it feels very different - men actually do not exactly "shoot very far". The best of us will manage only a few inches, but then, only half an inch is enough).

Additionally - his genetic reflexes will tell him to do all of this as quickly as possible while holding on to the female with all his strength, so the chances that the female will run and the sperm will not be used for its original design are minimal.

So, genetic encoding tells him: get it in RAPIDLY, get it in DEEP and DUMP THE PAYLOAD, no matter what the cost. The male sex hormones - driven by genetic encoding and cortex reflexes - will tell his body to do exactly that and nothing else. In that sense the human male - like any other male species - is much like a B52 bomber when it comes to sex.

The new gadget: sex for mutual fun

Evolutionary speaking, "sex for fun" is a relatively new gadget that has only been around for the last few thousand years of evolution. Ten minutes or so on the evolutionary clock. "Sex for mutual fun" - again in evolutionary terms - is something BRAND NEW, only discovered a few centuries ago. Hence - regardless how many generations have since passed - it is still something that is very much in the early adapting and learning stages.

Learning is FUN

We told you about the "female side" monkey. Here is one of its cousins: learning is a mutual thing. Men do not just have to learn about the female sexuality. BOTH still very much have to learn about the other.

In fact, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn't even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to "know" about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which - for example - is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we - the human race - learn. We've learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by try

His body will react just like that and will roll all his physical energy and musclepower into one tiny ball of semen and eject it, preferably with "rocket" force. (the reality requires that - although it feels very different - men actually do not exactly "shoot very far". The best of us will manage only a few inches, but then, only half an inch is enough).

Additionally - his genetic reflexes will tell him to do all of this as quickly as possible while holding on to the female with all his strength, so the chances that the female will run and the sperm will not be used for its original design are minimal.

So, genetic encoding tells him: get it in RAPIDLY, get it in DEEP and DUMP THE PAYLOAD, no matter what the cost. The male sex hormones - driven by genetic encoding and cortex reflexes - will tell his body to do exactly that and nothing else. In that sense the human male - like any other male species - is much like a B52 bomber when it comes to sex.

The new gadget: sex for mutual fun

Evolutionary speaking, "sex for fun" is a relatively new gadget that has only been around for the last few thousand years of evolution. Ten minutes or so on the evolutionary clock. "Sex for mutual fun" - again in evolutionary terms - is something BRAND NEW, only discovered a few centuries ago. Hence - regardless how many generations have since passed - it is still something that is very much in the early adapting and learning stages.

Learning is FUN

We told you about the "female side" monkey. Here is one of its cousins: learning is a mutual thing. Men do not just have to learn about the female sexuality. BOTH still very much have to learn about the other.

In fact, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn't even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to "know" about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which - for example - is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we - the human race - learn. We've learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by try

lse. In that sense the human male - like any other male species - is much like a B52 bomber when it comes to sex.

The new gadget: sex for mutual fun

Evolutionary speaking, "sex for fun" is a relatively new gadget that has only been around for the last few thousand years of evolution. Ten minutes or so on the evolutionary clock. "Sex for mutual fun" - again in evolutionary terms - is something BRAND NEW, only discovered a few centuries ago. Hence - regardless how many generations have since passed - it is still something that is very much in the early adapting and learning stages.

Learning is FUN

We told you about the "female side" monkey. Here is one of its cousins: learning is a mutual thing. Men do not just have to learn about the female sexuality. BOTH still very much have to learn about the other.

In fact, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn't even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to "know" about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which - for example - is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we - the human race - learn. We've learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by try

act, learning about sex is largely a very new thing and poorly developed. Something that society in general hasn't even fully adapted. We are still very much supposed to "know" about sex. It is not something you talk about openly and freely (just look at the constant attempts by various governments, religious fanatics and politicians to try and gag those, trying to talk about it freely, for example on the Internet). Which - for example - is why a country like the United States, when it comes to teen mothers, beats the average third world country in the negative sense of the word.

Experimenting, exploring, discovering is NOT WRONG, no matter what politicians or others may tell you. It is how we - the human race - learn. We've learned to identify what types of food are indeed food and which are poisonous by trial and error. Athletes learn by trying to experiment with their body and their abilities. Babies learn by feeling, trying and exploring. Sexuality is no different! And, exploring and learning is FUN. It should be. If it wasn't we would never learn anything!

So, every time she says "Honey, it's not a race!" you aren't doing something wrong. Both of you are! Simply because BLAMING DOESN'T BELONG IN BED.

Communication is the lubricant and the tool that will help both of you (and we'll come to talk about that). Through communication and exploration you'll both find what is fun for both of you. And partners will need to teach each other.

Here is where we are touching on a specific difference between general sex and BDSM. In a BDSM context the power dynamics will be different. As a result, the submissive partner will expect the dominant to set the tone and the submissive will follow. That is usually not very helpful to the situation. BOTH partners - regardless the BDSM dynamics - will have to teach each other and dom/sub dynamics have a tendency to get in the way. Strict role behavior and the natural tendency of the submissive to try and please are likely to form a barrier, leaving one of the partners (partially) unfulfilled and blocking the road to growth. This is where a lot of uncertainties (for dominant partners) and self-blaming (for submissive partners) originates from.

The controlled rat race

So, if it is a rat race, what do you do to avoid it? You may have guessed - for starters you probably can't avoid it. But ...you can learn to control it and turn it into a well organized rat race that is fun for both.

Turning over and going to sleep

"When he's done he turns over and falls asleep." How often have men been confronted with that. And quite frankly, it is not only true, there is also very little he can do about it. The male orgasm is intense, physically intense; and the huge flows of adrenaline, combined with the sudden cut off of the tension and the physical release is what causes him to feel totally exhausted and he needs time to recuperate. Hence, it is NOT WRONG for a man to feel tired and sleepy immediately after an orgasm. It is what his body tells him to do.

Unfortunately, the female orgasm and the male orgasm do not develop at the same pace and as result, by the time the man is done the woman isn't even half way done. And his fatigue - which to her seems to be lack of interest - is her biggest disappointment. As a result, what both of you need to learn is to get your timing right. Which is why introductory play - or foreplay - is so important. Maybe not to him, but most certainly to her.

Unfortunately, during sex the erected penis literally is a loaded barrel, ready to explode any time and the longer it is kept erected, the more likely the orgasm is to come instantly (quite often almost immediately upon penetrating the vagina). And not all men are capable to maintain an erection for a very long time.

A frequently asked question: why is it that nature hasn't taken care of "in sync" orgasms for the male and female? The answer again is in genetics and evolution. If you are a woman, you may want to brace yourself for what is coming.

From the point of reproduction there is no need for a female orgasm. She doesn't need one - at least not as an incentive. She is the passive half of the reproduction process and will be fertilized, orgasm