between emotions and reactivity. It is helpful to learn how to self-soothe before the emotions reach their maximum threshold. Effective self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise, taking a walk and taking a time-out to remove oneself from the source of the trigger.

In addition to fostering healthy and peaceful relationships, learning to self-soothe and circumvent emotional reactivity leads to i

Change happens when you gain awareness and understanding of your emotional wounds and break your denial of their existence and the impact they have on your life and relationships. This process requires you to identify your fears, subsequent distorted perspectives, and unrealistic expectations. It is vital to understand how the twin pillars create emotional triggers and how the triggers lead to reactivity.

The next step is to consider and adopt new perspectives and expectations. Assume absolute personal responsibility for your reactive behaviors and accept the truth of how your behaviors create conflict. Then, create a plan and make a commitment to change. Don’t worry, the process is not as difficult as it may sound.

For outwardly reactive people, the plan should include an internal check-in that identifies the physical sensation of reactivity. Most people feel a ball of energy in the pit of their stomach rising up as it moves closer to being released. For inwardly reactive people it is common to feel overwhelmed by a wave of emptiness and heaviness. It is like energy draining out of your body and loving feelings melting away, accompanied by an urge to sink deep inside.

Regardless of the type of reactivity you experience, when an everyday issue, situation, or problem triggers you, try to recognize the warning signs of trouble early enough to stop the reactivity and subsequent conflict. When you begin to feel the sensations of reactivity, consider that you possibly have a distorted perspective or unrealistic expectation and are not distinguishing between past pain and present reality. Understand that it is simply fear stemming from an emotional wound and allow yourself to think of new perspectives.

It is important to recognize when you are triggered early enough to insert some safe space between emotions and reactivity. It is helpful to learn how to self-soothe before the emotions reach their maximum threshold. Effective self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise, taking a walk and taking a time-out to remove oneself from the source of the trigger.

In addition to fostering healthy and peaceful relationships, learning to self-soothe and circumvent emotional reactivity leads to in

perspectives and expectations. Assume absolute personal responsibility for your reactive behaviors and accept the truth of how your behaviors create conflict. Then, create a plan and make a commitment to change. Don’t worry, the process is not as difficult as it may sound.

For outwardly reactive people, the plan should include an internal check-in that identifies the physical sensation of reactivity. Most people feel a ball of energy in the pit of their stomach rising up as it moves closer to being released. For inwardly reactive people it is common to feel overwhelmed by a wave of emptiness and heaviness. It is like energy draining out of your body and loving feelings melting away, accompanied by an urge to sink deep inside.

Regardless of the type of reactivity you experience, when an everyday issue, situation, or problem triggers you, try to recognize the warning signs of trouble early enough to stop the reactivity and subsequent conflict. When you begin to feel the sensations of reactivity, consider that you possibly have a distorted perspective or unrealistic expectation and are not distinguishing between past pain and present reality. Understand that it is simply fear stemming from an emotional wound and allow yourself to think of new perspectives.

It is important to recognize when you are triggered early enough to insert some safe space between emotions and reactivity. It is helpful to learn how to self-soothe before the emotions reach their maximum threshold. Effective self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise, taking a walk and taking a time-out to remove oneself from the source of the trigger.

In addition to fostering healthy and peaceful relationships, learning to self-soothe and circumvent emotional reactivity leads to i

of their stomach rising up as it moves closer to being released. For inwardly reactive people it is common to feel overwhelmed by a wave of emptiness and heaviness. It is like energy draining out of your body and loving feelings melting away, accompanied by an urge to sink deep inside.

Regardless of the type of reactivity you experience, when an everyday issue, situation, or problem triggers you, try to recognize the warning signs of trouble early enough to stop the reactivity and subsequent conflict. When you begin to feel the sensations of reactivity, consider that you possibly have a distorted perspective or unrealistic expectation and are not distinguishing between past pain and present reality. Understand that it is simply fear stemming from an emotional wound and allow yourself to think of new perspectives.

It is important to recognize when you are triggered early enough to insert some safe space between emotions and reactivity. It is helpful to learn how to self-soothe before the emotions reach their maximum threshold. Effective self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise, taking a walk and taking a time-out to remove oneself from the source of the trigger.

In addition to fostering healthy and peaceful relationships, learning to self-soothe and circumvent emotional reactivity leads to i

nough to stop the reactivity and subsequent conflict. When you begin to feel the sensations of reactivity, consider that you possibly have a distorted perspective or unrealistic expectation and are not distinguishing between past pain and present reality. Understand that it is simply fear stemming from an emotional wound and allow yourself to think of new perspectives.

It is important to recognize when you are triggered early enough to insert some safe space between emotions and reactivity. It is helpful to learn how to self-soothe before the emotions reach their maximum threshold. Effective self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise, taking a walk and taking a time-out to remove oneself from the source of the trigger.

In addition to fostering healthy and peaceful relationships, learning to self-soothe and circumvent emotional reactivity leads to i

between emotions and reactivity. It is helpful to learn how to self-soothe before the emotions reach their maximum threshold. Effective self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise, taking a walk and taking a time-out to remove oneself from the source of the trigger.

In addition to fostering healthy and peaceful relationships, learning to self-soothe and circumvent emotional reactivity leads to increased self-respect, feelings of empowerment, improved physical health, and a peaceful soul. Have you ever noticed that when you take a time-out from escalating conflict and re-direct your attention elsewhere, later the issue that was the source of the conflict no longer holds the same power or significance? This is exactly why it is important to learn to self-soothe when faced with emotional triggers.

Well, that is my theory of Emotionally Intelligent Relationships. I know for myself that until recently, I had no idea what they were and now I am enjoying the wonderful benefits of being in a emotionally intelligent relationship, most of the time. In my practice, I have seen many couples in perpetual conflict make dramatic improvements when they worked to create an Emotionally Intelligent Relationship. I know you can too!

In the meantime, remember, that your reactivity is not who you are, rather it is how you cope. As a wonderfully unique individual, you have emotional wounds to heal. The more you understand them and know how to heal them, the quicker you will enjoy the amazing benefits of having Emotionally Intelligent Relationships.

©2007 – All rights reserved – Glenn Cohen – “I-TO-WE”™ Relationship Coaching / www.i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com